"Don't Let the Sun Go Down on the Feeling You Get When You Can't Find Your Wallet and Then You Do"

 Release the Kraken! You thrust, I'll parry.No one understands me. Except you.And the clown from "Poltergeist."Post-self-coital / Whirlybird overWilliamsburg / KFC should make a sandwichMade out of chicken, cocaine and rohypnolAnd call it "The Lousy Weekend."Ego-Detectors for Poetry Event SpacesWhen things are spiraling out of controlAn alarm goes off and everyone has toTake it down a notchNodding my head like yeah, Shaking myHips like yeahIs it wrong to refer to oneself as a "Sexual Dynamo?" I really think I don'tGet enough credit for being awesome.Not only didn't I win a Pulitzer, I wasn'tEven *nominated*. We need less PoetryMovements and more Poetry Crime Families.I mean, I'll teach you how to live but it will*cost you*. Shouldn't cigarettes come in packs of10 or 5? Like you're out drinking and youWant to be a little bad? Not full-pack bad?But you're all at home reading the New YorkTimes on your iPad, probably / Smells like Teen hotdogs--I am trying so hard to be Funny. But it's more twitter funny thanPoem funny. I probably haven't read Your chapbook. I probably hate yourMagazine and have zero respect forYour choices. When I say "baby" youSay "killer." Heating up the KY jellyIn breathless anticipation.Hold my calls! "Ninja Cheerleaders" is on.I've made myself a suit out of unobtainium.Kid playing air hockey with me at aBirthday party: "I am the champion. I don't have to score any goals to beThe champion." How I Met Your Mother: we were labPartners at Fat Camp. Y ChromosoneRepresent! I wish I could blame my moodsOn PMS. Who has a better roof?Me or Anselm Berrigan?